The Road from Insatiable to a Difference

The road from insatiability to making the most of a desire to make a difference isn't as far as we might think. Because the desire is necessary for both. And knowing is half that battle?

I feel so insatiable sometimes... like now. Little things have just been irritating me lately. The big things that normally bother me don't bother me as much. You know things like, not having a house, having to borrow a car, having no woman to share any bit of myself with... those things are bothering me less than they would have at any other time. Stupid little things that I don't even know how to express bother me. Little things get on my nerves.

I don't feel like I'm making a difference in the lives of those around me. I feel like I'm making sacrifices, but that those sacrifices are making insignificant differences. I don't feel like I'm on the right track in the job that I have. I feel like I'm wasting my life, wasting my time there. Sure it's the "responsible" thing to do to work, but I feel like it would be more "responsible" to find and seek passions that I'll be able to truly make a difference in. But if I quit in pursuit of those things I feel like I just become even more of a burden on my friends and, at least for a short time, even less able to contribute to the world and those around me.

God took away a lot from me. There were some friends and those I trusted who were nowhere to be found when I needed them most. But in the ashes of that I've found friends who've more than risen to the occasion, but I feel like I contribute nothing to them short of a few laughs, and the same old advice which they may or may not listen too, but almost assuredly get tired of hearing. I know this is teaching me how to accept grace and mercy, but I want to GIVE grace and mercy. I guess to better be able to extend that I must see and experience more tangible examples of what it feels like to receive. Which is stupid, because the cross is a picture that shows MORE than enough for all of mankind.


My life isn't horrible by any means, which is why it's more frustrating to me that I get frustrated. I just wanna be better for people, better for Him. I don't think I'm doing that now, but I don't know the best path to get there. My main desire is that I would no longer desire things. I don't want to want things for myself anymore. Because they usually leave me disappointed when I get them, or I never get them. My only boast and my only desire needs to be in the cross of my savior, but need to be a good steward of that desire and do it on as big of a scale as I can. I just wanna make an impact equivalent with the potential impact that my Savior has given me the ability to make. What that means I don't know... I guess we'll see. Roadhouse?

Let there be blogging... I guess

So the next step for me to be a sophisticated man is to have a blog. It's interesting that this step is exactly the same one that moves a boy to official awkward adolescence and/or awkward high school years, minus all the 'lol's and 'omg's, and plus fractional percentages of logic.

I'm not really sure how much I'll update this, or what direction it will go, but to do that I'd need to know completely the direction of my life. But I'm gradually finding it. I may even right an actual entry in a few minutes, but I felt it necessary to make my presence official. So stay classy, planet earth. We'll talk soon.... a little too soon maybe. It's all a matter of perspective I guess.