On Wedding Gifts and Registries
I'm getting married this year (Lord willin)! With that comes many things, one of which is the process of making a wedding registry.
The thought of wedding gifts was always kind of ironic to me.
“Why are we getting engaged people gifts? They’re getting a spouse! Why don’t we get single people some stuff?”
That’s a joke a former part-time comedian, formerly single, permanent man, who formerly idolized marriage would make.
But now that I’m getting married, I’m all like… “Tradition!”
This time… I’m three-quarters joking, but I am seriously starting to understand a little bit more.
As we’ve thought through what to ask for, some metaphorical scales have fallen from my eyes, and I feel the importance of needing help launching into a fruitful and wonderful marriage.
As far as wedding registries go, I’ve probably not looked at one in over a decade. I’ve just given people cash. It always fits. You never have to return it. It’s really been a “Do unto others as I’d have them do unto me,” sort of thing.
Not having a toaster probably started fewer fights in marriages than financial stress.
I’ve always figured, “I’ll just get what I need when I need it and maybe I’ll get a better deal and save someone else an errand.” And I always said I’d say, “We’ve already got stuff. So, we’re registered at… the bank.”
But it’s kinda considered ‘tacky’ to ask for cash right? “Oh I know! We can doctor it up and call it a ‘honeymoon fund.’ THEN, it’s socially acceptable! ;)”
Then again, I don’t imagine that the words “Matt Blair” and “highly concerned with what’s socially acceptable” have frequently been put together by many of you.
Believe it or not, I deeply care what people think. I ruminate on the opinions of others, because I value the people who have them. And quite honestly, I want to be liked and respected.
Yet, I strive to make it a habit to not care so much about those opinions that I’m stopped from seeking something that could be better. What other people think often may not seem to change what I do, but it often impacts how I do it and how I feel when I do it.
Someone who doesn’t care wouldn’t write so much to try to explain his heart about something that he could’ve just thrown together on Amazon in an hour or two, might’ve saved us all time and said, “Please give us money.” or “We’ll take the air fryer please!”
Partly I want to share my heart with you, because I want to be better understood.
Perhaps more importantly though, I hope we can change some little bits of the culture around weddings, and right now, we just happen to be on the gift-giving part.
Even if it changes nothing for you in regards to this wedding, maybe it will change how you think when you consider giving to others in the future.
Maybe it will encourage other young men and women to be more thoughtful in sharing their hearts and hopes, particularly if they’re ever blessed with such an opportunity.
If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll see a LOT of “I” and “me.”
All the theories, hopes, dreams, etc that I’ve had are all well and good…maybe. BUT now… “I” is coming to merge into “we.” And the “we” is more of a reality than an idea.
As joyful as it is, I feel a weight to this.
This is likely the primary occasion in life where people can openly share what they want… and a lot of people will actually help you get it with no questions asked.
It feels like a massive honor for us. Such an honor deserves thoughtfulness to steward it well. To best honor the giving spirit of those who love us and the opportunity we have, we ought to be thoughtful about what we ask for.
What will serve us (and the Lord’s purposes in us) may not be found on Amazon.
Some big purchases may be looming: home repairs, tools, and other equipment that can be used to facilitate the care of a home and perhaps the starting of a side business to supplement income and create jobs for others in our sphere. Paying bills, buying flights, and maybe eventually another vehicle if one of ours gives out are also a consideration.
Much of what we’ll come to want or need can’t fully be seen from where we are.
Regardless of whether or not you decide to bless us with a gift, we’re grateful for your care and consideration. It’s really meaningful!
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There is a joy in being able to give gifts, and we recognize that if there isn’t a tangible gift, some will feel “empty-handed.”
As such, we’ve listed some items that we think can help us move into this new season. We'll likely list more in the coming months. In the event that a specific item is too costly or too hard to decide, we'll also list some general funds you can contribute to.
We’re not necessarily keenly aware of the benefits of certain brands, so if you have a better version of something we should put up instead and/or if you’re recently married and have any advice for what you wish you’d asked for (or not asked for), we’d love to consider your insight.
Check out this list of things that will bless us greatly, including the link to the official registry at the bottom.
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